Yesterday, I was annoyed that the New York Times front-and-center article was and continued to be about cables and foreign leaders and other such nonsense. Today, I am fascinated. Now this is the kind of political coverage I can get behind—it’s the People magazine of the politici. The perezhilton.com of people with actual power.

I will make light of the scandal, yes, because me worrying about Ahmadinejad will not help a) my mental health or b) our world’s safety. I survived the would-be bombing at the Portland tree-lighting ceremony on Friday, so I’m two parts reckless abandonment and one part American-born overconfidence.

The character sketches alone make scintillating reading: the leader of Libya always travels with his “senior nurse,” a “voluptuous blonde.” He’s a paranoid man, refusing to stay on any floor but the ground floor. The Italian PM was called “feckless and vain.” Not a huge surprise, seeing how the only thing I know about him is an adultery brouhaha that might’ve involved a 17-year-old. The word choice in many of the leaked cables impressed me; I haven’t seen the word “feckless” used since 2003.

Other typical tabloid-like revelations include the apparently terminal cancer of the Iranian Supreme Leader, the fact that the Yemeni President likes whiskey (a huge no-no), and that German Chancellor Angela Merkel is the only Euro leader “man” enough lead in the EU. 

As if WikiLeaks destabilizing the Middle East is not enough, the Internet is giving me ADHD. Looking for more info on the scandal, I had a compulsion to read about the hostage situation in Wisconsin, a girl who is designing great coats for homeless folks, a collective dinner project in Detroit, check three emails, and watch a short Colbert Report clip. While doing my laundry. Pack it up, self. Pack it up.